100 Random Wild Magic Consequences
At some point during the next extended rest period . . . A 12 foot tall male Ogre approaches the party stomping heavily and making no effort to be stealthy. He is draped in shredded fabrics and leather patches and has an eye watering ugliness that all will remember for some time. He pauses and leans forward on a massive gnarled club as he nods to the group. "Greetings! I won't tell you my name because it doesn't matter. I'm going to attack you all now because I consider it an affirmation of my culture and a bolstering of my personal identity, while simultaneously perpetuating and reinforcing a shallow and negative stereotype based on pervasive conclusions about my species and my appearance."He takes a breath and scratches himself before continuing. "While I may seem to be a semi-sentient creature capable of reason or redemption, you may take solace in the fact that I thoroughly enjoy causing pain to others and entertain myself with the delight of killing innocent victims. So . . . I most certainly AM evil, and it is perfectly fine for you to kill me and improve the state of this world. With that said, let us begin."(Combat mechanics should ensue.)
Accept the results above, Or press "Roll Again",
Or scroll down and roll your own percentile dice for random numbers,
Or just pick what you want from below. It's your adventure.
The Wildest (and deadliest) magic events to be found among these many tables,
are scattered within the "Magic Items", "Coins and Pocket Loot" and "Wicked Monsters" lists.
THIS table is tame and mild. - The moments it generates are only bizarre, not cruel.
Not all of the results happen immediately. Some are delayed compulsions or events.
Please make up your own rules about when it should be used and which character should be the target.
The bottom line is . . . whatever happens, embrace the improvisation and roll with it.
( Did you see that? Did you see what I did there? "Roll" with it. . . .)
are scattered within the "Magic Items", "Coins and Pocket Loot" and "Wicked Monsters" lists.
THIS table is tame and mild. - The moments it generates are only bizarre, not cruel.
Not all of the results happen immediately. Some are delayed compulsions or events.
Please make up your own rules about when it should be used and which character should be the target.
The bottom line is . . . whatever happens, embrace the improvisation and roll with it.
( Did you see that? Did you see what I did there? "Roll" with it. . . .)
1 As the target character, you are compelled to remove an article of clothing or a piece of armor and stomp heavily upon it until it is broken beyond repair or ground into loose threads or leather scraps.
2 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of poppy seeds.
3 A blizzard kicks up, but the snow is jet black and gusts in sideways from one direction only. Lasts 1 minute.
4 Tiny chopped bits of lettuce, celery and tomatoes shoot out like a fountain from the face of the target character's worst enemy ( no matter where they are in the world ) for 1 to 6 minutes.
5 As the target character, the very next time you dry off after bathing, wiping a cloth or towel over your face will produce the illusion of wiping away all facial features. You will appear to be faceless for 1 to 4 days.
6 For 1 to 12 minutes, every bladed weapon in the group begins singing an annoying song about bologna having a first name, a second name and spelling it all out.
7 For the next 60 seconds, a six foot tall, talking stick bug appears out of nowhere and tries to sell everyone in the party a small glass figurine of a cat.
8 As the target character, the very next time you drink water, wine or ale, you will have an irresistible compulsion to duck quickly under the nearest bedroll or piece of furniture and shout "Lights Out !!"
9 Four the next 1 to 4 minutes, the target character perceives all nearby party members as being several hundred feet away, and must resort to waving and shouting in order to communicate.
10 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of walnuts.
11 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message with an official looking wax seal. Each message is identical. They read: "It has come to our attention that you are delinquent in your taxes. Heat the seal on this message and affix 1 gold piece to it and place this official notice back into the beak of the messenger. If you continue to avoid payment, you will be hunted down and thrown into a dark scary dungeon with bugs and rats and bad smells forever and ever. No kidding it's true. Believe me. I'm authorized and for real. I mean WE are authorized and for real. I mean it ain't worth your while to be cheap, ok? Look, Just pay the gold ya' bastitch."
12 As the target character, you hallucinate that every creature nearby, one by one, POPS like a balloon. ( You don't need to know what a balloon is. ) The hallucination persists for 1 minute, or until everyone around you has gone BANG.
13 As the target character, you are compelled to scootch your bottom along the floor or the ground, like a dog dragging its butt across a carpet. The compulsion ends after a four foot drag is accomplished.
14 For the next 60 seconds, as the target character, you take on the movements and physicality of a nervous, paranoid and twitchy squirrel.
15 A megaphone made of brown laquered leather and as big as a couch, approaches the party, walking on spindly wooden legs. At the speaking end, there is a small platform and standing on that is a well dressed miniature hamster. It unfurls a tiny scroll and shouts into the megaphone. "Let it be known throughout all lands that His Magnificence, The Emperor Vilencio of Stonnovia has declared new and universal laws! Mark me well and hear what has been decreed! Anyone caught using the word COCKAMAMMIE will be arrested and imprisoned. It is an over-used, cliche' and stupid word that is most vile in the ears of the mighty ruler. This same punishment shall be exacted upon any villains who dare to speak the word HiJiNKS. This is another word that is held in immeasurable disdain! And lastly, all who are guilty of using COCKAMAMMIE to describe HiJiNKS, will be executed with swift and righteous violence. So speak I for the Emperor, and thus I end my message!" The walking megaphone now stalks away, seemingly driven by the tiny hamster riding at the back of it.
16 Time grinds to a dead halt. All creatures and objects in a 60 foot radius become as untouchable as fog. The only thing solid to the party members is the floor or ground. Effect lasts 1 to 12 minutes.
17 As the target character, you suddenly strike a pose and becomes petrified stone. The rest of your group can dispel your condition by laying down on the floor or the ground and positioning their bodies to form your initials as seen from above.
18 From the present moment until midnight, any object handled by the target character will have the stickiness of fly paper.
19 As the target character, you attempt to pickpocket yourself. On a failure, you may exact a punishment of your choosing. On a success, you triumphantly hold an item that you already own.
20 For the next 3 days, the target character is randomly and pleasantly greeted out loud and for all to hear, by weeds, bushes or decorative houseplants. On the third day, the greetings will turn to snide insults.
21 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a small folded parchment packet with a striped, multicolor wax seal. Each packet is identical. They each contain one very small and tightly rolled tube of paper with a thin string protruding from one end. The containing parchments read: "FREE SAMPLE! Have a cracking good time with a Famous Finbo Alchemist's Bang Popper! Frighten bears! Startle your friends! Get thrown out of taverns! Simply set fire to the string, toss the paper tube and cover your ears! More fun than a mashed potato fight! Stop by FAMOUS FINBO's HOUSE of HUMOR and get 50 Poppers for only 10 silver! Bring this note with you and get them for 8 silver! - REMEMBER: If it's Finbo, It's FUN!"
22 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of cold onion soup.
23 As the target character, you are suddenly struck with a persistent inspiration to earn gold at the next inn or tavern. Your flawless money making plan is to wager all of your coins on a bet that you can survive a leap from the roof of whatever place you've stopped at.
24 The entire party and all of their gear, is shrunk down small enough to fit inside of an empty wooden tankard. That wooden tankard is inside the pack of the nearest stranger or enemy. The effect lasts 1 to 4 hours. When it concludes, the party will burst back to full size no matter where they are.
25 As the target character, you believe that you are speaking normal common, but all others hear only nonsensical gibberish. The condition lasts from 1 to 12 minutes.
26 As the target character, regardless of your species, you now project the illusion of having a hairless 6-month-old, human baby head. Your voice sounds like you just inhaled a lungful of helium. Any attempts at intimidation will have a zero percent chance of success. Effect lasts 1 to 12 minutes.
27 As the target character, you recall your favorite childhood toy. That toy now apparates nearby at a size that is large enough for it to become a rideable mount for the entire party. The mount disappears after 1 hour or if the party enters combat.
28 As the target character, on the very next occasion when you stop to eat, you must turn your back on the food, facing away from it, lean backwards and smack the back of your head down onto the meal. This will seem perfectly normal and routine to you.
29 As the target character, the very next time you remove a sandal, boot or shoe, just as the footwear comes off, it will POP away like a champagne cork in some random direction.
30 As the target character, for the next 24 hours you will be compelled to tip 1 gold to every door that you pass through, pressing the coin to the flat surface of the door and letting it drop as if it were taken in hand by a valet of some sort. If you are in a pleasant mood, you might compliment the door for a job well done.
31 A megaphone made of brown laquered leather and as big as a couch, approaches the party, walking on spindly wooden legs. At the speaking end, there is a small platform and standing on that is a well dressed miniature hamster. It unfurls a tiny scroll and shouts into the megaphone. "This public service announcement is a message from . . . The Weather. Mark me well and hear what The Weather has written down for me to shout at the world! And it is thus." The hamster unfurls another scroll and continues. "STOP IT! STOP saying oh what beautiful weather we're having today. or, oh what terrible weather we're having today. I am just the weather! I had no thought of pleasing you when I began my day. I am what I am and to be fully honest, I don't CARE what you think! Just because it is cold and rainy does NOT make it a ROTTEN day. That's a YOU problem ok? So cut it out or I'll start giving you some seriously BAD WEATHER to deal with, you judgemental, gibbering little meat bugs!" The hamster rolls up both scrolls and rides away on the swiftly stalking megaphone.
32 As the target character, you will now have FOUR fully functional arms instead of two. The bodily alteration will NOT be accommodated by your clothing nor armor, and will remain from 1 to 12 days or until you take a hot bath.
33 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of multi flavored wax lips.
34 As the target character, you are now able to take hold of the flames in a small cooking fire or campfire, and consume them as if they were food. ( The flames will be solid, warm, will taste like chicken and inflict no injury. ) All other flames in the world will be as damaging and hot as normal. The effect is PERMANENT, though it is never likely to be found out. There is only a 5% chance that you will discover this odd magic each time you are near fires of that type.
35 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message with an official looking wax seal. Each message is identical. They read: "I have been trying to reach you for weeks! I am a courier for His Royal Majesty King Mungo of North Orliakistan. His highness has been deposed and exiled from our homeland and he must find a way to keep his vast fortune safe as he seeks refuge in your beautiful country. Please turn over this parchment and write down your signature, the name of your preferred counting house and the secret password that identifies you to the clerks who work there, so that I may deposit 14,282 gold pieces into your coffers for safekeeping. Simply place the parchment back into the beak of the crow when you are finished and you will have the eternal gratitude of the true Royalty of North Orliakistan. Bless you, kind friend! Signed: Slee Zeekrim Inahl"
36 The entire party now projects the illusion of being identical copies of the target character. The effect last from 1 to 20 minutes.
37 As the target character, you will suddenly assume the persona of a tour guide. For the next 1 to 4 minutes, you will point out key facts about the history and ecology of the local environment.
38 The party is surrounded by 17 Meerkats which are gaudily dressed and grinning madly as they are all playing Caribbean steel drums. One by one, over the course of 5 minutes, they evaporate into thin smoke.
39 As the target character, for the next 1 to 6 minutes, every step you take will generate a loud, clear musical tone, effectively playing out the musical scale "Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do", repeating with every new set of footfalls.
40 At the end of the next extended rest period, the party will awaken under a ten foot thick pile of fully formed, but empty brown paper boxes in a wide variety of sizes. Each box will have a cryptic rune painted on it that appears to be either a curved arrow or a wry smirk.
41 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message with a regal looking wax seal. Each message is identical. They read: "By order of His Royal Majesty King Far Kwar of Spokeenia, the world and time shall come to an end at noon tomorrow. All citizens are encouraged to tidy up their yards and hovels. It is also recommended that everyone enjoy a hearty breakfast before facing sudden and spectacular oblivion. Best to All, King Far Kwar."
42 As the target character, you are suddenly manic and determined to give a detailed lecture and demonstration to any people nearby. You simply MUST show everyone how to brush their teeth by using the fuzzed up end of a twig, hot water and powdered charcoal. (Violence may result, depending on how careful you are when swishing and spitting the hot water.)
43 During the next extended rest period, the party will hear massively heavy foot falls out in the darkness, but growing closer and closer. In the dim evening light, they will make out shadows of immense forms moving swiftly toward them, but stopping suddenly along with the tremors and footfalls. No attacks, agression or even sound follows after that. Investigation will reveal that they have not traveled to a small town, but rather a small town has traveled to the party. All huts, buildings, sheds or structures have walked on giant chicken legs to surround the party at their camp and settled to stationary stillness. Because reasons.
44 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of uncooked, dry brown rice.
45 The party discovers a genuine and fully viable bottle of healing potion. Reading the tiny print on a small label affixed to it, they see: "INGREDIENTS: water, caffeine, glutamic acid, sulfites, guar gum, high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated trans fat, propyl gallate, saccharin, bleached starch, diatomaceous earth, beta-alanine, tartaric acid, peanut oil, dimethyltryptamine, brominated vegetable oil, tartrazine coloring, anhydrous ammonia, silicon dioxide, sodium benzoate, conjugate of bisulfite, beet sugar and monkey poo."
46 The very next time the party is out in the wild and making camp, their campfire will morph into the shape of an average humanoid. It will sit down with the group, leaning forward in a relaxed pose and gazing at the spot where it was just burning. It will pick up small pebbles and twigs, tossing them absently toward the spot and yawning audibly. If questioned or spoken to, it will simply repeat the phrase "What a day, huh?. . . What a day."
47 The target character is suddenly holding a large, bright red cape. 30 feet away, an angry bull apparates, drags its hooves against the ground, snorts violently and begins charging. The animal remains from 1 to 4 minutes and then disappears along with the cape.
48 For 1 to 12 minutes, every party member suffers nearly complete memory loss. All that remains is the ability to speak and understand common and to recognize and identify normal everyday objects.
49 As the target character, for the next 2 days you will repeat any suggestions, plans or ideas that you hear spoken by other party members, as if they are brand new thoughts that you came up with on your own.
50 As the target character, you suddenly find that thick green grass has sprouted on every possession, piece of armor and article of clothing that you own. It is as full and dense as a badly neglected lawn. It can be pulled off in clumps with a light tug, and does not grow back.
51 A confused messenger crow lands on the shoulder of the target character. It carries a folded parchment message with a regal looking wax seal. It reads: "To Your Grace, The Duchess of Mesothelioma. This missive is to remind you of our mandate and your promise NOT to come anywhere near our son, Prince Renaldo under any circumstances. He is still recovering from the appalling gastric armageddon that he suffered by ingesting the atrocious experimental poison that you are pleased to call your cooking. We are also compelled to inform you that you are 20 years older than he and that your appearance, countenance, attire and odor can best be comparisoned to a demented ape with leprosy. Keep your gold. Keep your lands and KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. Get Stuffed, Her Majesty Queen Bleeniatra of Klorm"
52 At midnight, during the next extended rest period, a long, narrow boat apparates and floats in mid air about 10 yards away from the party. It is being rowed with a single, very long oar by a human male. He is standing up at one end wearing a red and white striped shirt and an elaborate black beret and singing a loud song in some foreign language. ( Amateur opera rendition of some Italian classic.) The boat moves past the campsite or though the Inn quarters in about 1 minute and disappears.
53 A gleaming, brass automaton arrives, wheeling a large metal food vendor cart with steam wafting up from the top. It shouts in a monotone metallic voice, "Hot roasted chestnuts and coffee! Hot roasted chestnuts and coffee! One gold per serving! Get them while they're fresh! . . . .HEY! Chestnuts here! . . .Coffee here!"
54 The face of every party member turns bright red and steam shoots out of everyone's ears, accompanied by a loud train whistle noise.
55 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of blue ink.
56 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message with an official looking wax seal. Each message is identical. They read: "Congratulations!!! You have won an all expense paid vacation to beautiful and affordable Orliakistan! Stop by the nearest city magistrate of foreign travel to claim your prize! Simply pay a tiny fee of 5 gold and it will insure that your spot is not taken on the next excursion to our land, where you will be shown gloriously fine homes and properties to purchase if you should choose to stay. Orliakistan! It's a PLACE ! (Offer may not be combined with other promotions.Not available in all provinces. Terms and conditions apply. Your vacation enjoyment levels may vary. Void where there isn't anything.)"
57 The party is confronted by a lone, hooded male figure in dark robes. The stranger bellows in an ominous deep voice "PREPARE TO MEET THY DOOM!"and waves his hands about in arcane gesticulations while muttering some exotic incantation, then shoots out both hands toward the party. He stands frozen where he is in an offensive and belligerent pose as . . . nothing happens. No bolt of energy...No glowing light...No frightening crackle of arcane power. If there were a cricket nearby, it would be audible. He speaks again. "It seems that you have strong and secret protections against my deadly powers. Well . . . I shall become INVISIBLE and spirit myself away to destroy you on another day!" He then sweeps his hands across the front of his body and snaps his fingers. He remains fully visible as he attempts to leave in an exaggerated, sneaky tip-toe.
58 For the next 1 to 6 weeks, whenever any member of the party suffers hunger pangs, their stomach will not growl. It will cluck loudly like a chicken.
59 As the target character, you experiences a 45 degree shift in gravity. From your physical state and point of view, the entire world has tilted to a severe angle. The rest of the party watches you move along, tilted sideways as if you're walking on a sharply inclined hill. The effect lasts from 1 to 12 minutes.
60 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message sealed shut by small bits of dried chewing gum. Each message is identical. They read: "My Grandma says we have to advertise, so here. You wanna' buy stuff? Like rations and string and candles and shovels and all that other stupid crap? Good. Come to HOOTY HOO'S EMPORIUM. I'm stuck workin' here, so you might as well come by and look around before I lose my mind 'cause it's totally boring as hell in this smelly old shop. Or don't. I don't give a rat's rear end. I could be out having some fun with my girlfriends, but NOOOoo I gotta' sit at this stupid counter and say nice things to the customers. Whatever. Also . . . one last thing, and please spread it around . . .Enid Spandau is a pimply faced, boyfriend stealing little strumpet."
61 The party is beset by a contradiction imp. It is 4 inches tall, bright blue and darts through the air faster than a fly. For every attempt to swat this creature, there is only a 1 in 20 chance of destroying it. ( Natural 20 ) Until it is destroyed, it will speedily circle around everyone's head and contradict every single statement made by anyone in the party. Such as: How far is the nearest town? "THERE IS NO NEAREST TOWN!" Six miles. "NO IT ISN'T!" Can we stop for a rest? "NO!" I'm exhausted. "NO YOU AREN'T!" Can't anyone kill this %$^*#@+ imp?? "NO! NOBODY CAN! SHUT UP! YOU'RE STUPID!". . . etc.
62 Upon waking up after the next extended rest period, the entire party will find themselves encased inside empty, fully formed eggs. Escaping them will be much like any other creatures gradually pecking and punching their way out.
63 As the target character, you have a strange dream during the next extended rest period. You experience yourself standing upright and frozen still as if you are a tower on a mountain overlooking a valley. Your head is the top floor of the tower and your brain is a jumbled and tangled pile of blankets and sheets. There are seven tiny howler monkeys trapped in your head. They escape by pulling apart your brain and tying the blankets and sheets together, exiting from your left ear and carefully climbing down the outside of your body. After awakening and throughout the day you will have the impression that a memory was stolen from you.
64 As the target character, you now have faun legs with light brown fur and glossy golden hooves. All of your clothing and armor adapts to accommodate it. The condition remains from 1 to 4 days.
65 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of tiny stuffed rag dolls.
66 When next adventuring outdoors (or right now) the party will hear the thundering laughter of an approaching giant. The tremendously large creature stops just short of stepping on the group, finishes off a tankard of some very strong ale, and sets it upside-down on top of the party trapping them inside. The ground shudders as the giant strides away, still laughing raucously. It should take 1 to 12 minutes to dig out from under the immense tankard, depending on how drunk the party becomes from the fumes.
67 When next adventuring outdoors (or right now) your party comes across another group. They seem to be dressed in some kind of uniform of varying colors and claim to be visitors from the stars. One of them appears to be of Elven descent and is waving around a magic whistling box. The others are examining the surroundings and attempting to communicate with you. They produce a thick, short, silver wand and suddenly everyone can understand each other. They must be part of a landing expedition from some ship, because they introduce themselves as Captain, First Officer, Communicator, Doctor, Navigator, Helmsman, Engineer and Ensign Jablonski. The gathering is pleasant and peaceful with food and drink being passed around in a very relaxed and secure area at the edge of the woods. Suddenly, Ensign Jablonski takes a goblin blowdart to the neck and dies. The strangers all chase off into the woods after the goblin. Jablonski has a few weird metal doohickies on his body that don't seem to do anything, but he DOES have a very serviceable long sleeved red tunic.
68 Every javelin, bo stave and spear carried among the group, transforms into fully functional, large patio umbrellas with festive red, green and yellow stripes. They will return to their original weapon forms in 1 to 6 days.
69 At the next tavern or inn that the party visits, whatever table or bar they sit down at will become a sensitive hair-trigger TRAP. Individual party members must roll an 18 or better, or they will be hit in the face by a coconut custard pie with whipped cream.
70 After the very next extended rest period, each party member will awaken to find a doll placed in their hands. The dolls will be perfect replicas of the characters that hold them, 1 foot tall and with armor and weapons made out of fabric and wood. They will have porcelain hands and faces, but the eyes will be eerily realistic. They will never blink or close, but will ALWAYS stare directly at the eyes of their matching party members no matter where they move.
71 For the next 1 to 20 minutes, as the target character, you will hallucinate that every other member of the party is a walking, talking kangaroo with an octopus head.
72 At the end of the current or next combat, the entire party is transported to a woodland clearing somewhere in the world where it is 3 O'clock in the morning. Very nearby there is a semi-circle arrangement of gigantic wing chairs with tall backs and leather upholstery. In the dim light all characters can see that there are very expensively dressed elephants comfortably settled into the chairs, smoking cigars and swirling brandy around in giant glass snifters. They are all peering at all of you intently. One speaks. "You may leave this place after each of you has revealed an embarrassing secret, or an entertaining nightmare. Take turns and begin at your leisure." The party remains trapped in the clearing until the last character has complied. Then all are returned to the spot where they were taken.
73 At the end of the current or next combat, the entire party is transported to a woodland clearing somewhere in the world where it is 3 O'clock in the morning. Very nearby there is a semi-circle arrangement of gigantic wing chairs with tall backs and leather upholstery. In the dim light all characters can see that there are very expensively dressed giant gorillas comfortably settled into the chairs, smoking cigars and swirling brandy around in giant glass snifters. They are peering at all of you intently. One speaks. "You may leave this place after each of you has revealed the epic, historic, heroic NAME that should be placed on your tombstone, should you be lucky enough to be buried when you eventually pass on from this world. Take turns and begin at your leisure." The party remains trapped in the clearing until the last character has complied. Then all are returned to the spot where they were taken.
74 At the beginning of the very next brief rest period, the entire party is transported to a spacious and sturdy bamboo raft floating in the middle of the nearest ocean. Nothing particularly unpleasant or unusual occurs unless some folks are sea-sick. After an hour has passed, all are returned to where they started.
75 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of hot olive oil.
76 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message with an official looking wax seal. Each message is identical. They read: "Thank The Gods that this message has found you! Now, you won't miss out on the raffle of a lifetime! Your entry number is 8675309. Simply heat up the wax seal on this parchment and affix a single silver piece to it. Then write out your full name and place the message back into the beak of the crow. You could win up to 20 Billion Gold !!! Act fast. The raffle ends tonight!!"
77 For the next 1 to 20 minutes, every party member must communicate in as few words as possible. You must all speak as if every word cost 100 gold.
78 The party notices crude wooden clothing stands nearby, holding perfect replicas of their armor. These replicas are made entirely of fresh bacon jerky.
79 Each character in the party becomes light as a feather. There is a very strong silk cord fastened around every waist, and as a strong wind blows everyone is swept upward, occasionally feeling the tug of the silk cord pulling them against the blustering air currents. Looking down below, all can see that they are being flown like kites by laughing, huge Ogres dressed in clean, blue fabric jumpsuits. The Ogres fly the party as kites from 1 to 12 minutes, then draw in the silk cords until everyone reaches the ground. Still laughing raucously, they run off, leaving 100 feet of silk cord (per character) behind.
80 A rumble of ominous thunder vibrates the area and a wind kicks up as the ground or floor begins to tremble. A terrifying burst of brass and stringed instruments from an invisible orchestra sound a musical cue for sudden catastrophe! All of the party is now alert to unexpected deadly peril. After a moment, the wind dies down to nothing. the thunder echoes off into eventual silence and the music stops with a few trailing, discordant trombones. A sheet of parchment apparates and flutters down from above. It reads: "Pleez ekskyooz Willy why vern frum monstring tooday as he iz suffinging frum verteego an' gout he wil reetoon to rip owt yoo gutz sum othurr day sooon sined MY MOM"
81 When next adventuring in the outdoors ( or right now if you are outdoors ), the entire party is knocked prone by a violent gust of wind and sudden tremor of the ground. A few feet from where you are standing, a fully grown Chimera corpse has just slammed into the ground. It has a 6 foot long, pointed iron bolt embedded in its flat and crumpled body. If the weather is clear, and there is still daylight present, looking up will reveal a slowly traveling airship about 1,000 feet up and moving off to the West.
82 LAME - If there are any fatally fallen enemies nearby, they transform into horse troughs filled to the top with a variety of hard wooden coins. Every carved wooden coin has a profile portrait of some member of the party. Any possessions or genuine coins the bodies of the fallen may have had on them before the transformation, rest on the top of the pile.( If there are no fallen enemies nearby, the effect will apply to the next victims of the party's wrath.)
83 For the next 1 to 20 minutes, as the target character, any questions, remarks or vocalizations from any other party member, will seem to you like the most hilarious punchlines to expertly told jokes.
84 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message with an official looking wax seal. Each message is identical. They read: "Down on your luck? Reached the end of your rope? Wallowing in poverty and starvation? This could be your lucky day! Consider how valuable you may be as a SLAVE! Hundreds of sad, unfortunate and hopeless creatures just like you have made the life change and sold themselves to a steady life of labor, abuse and the possibility of regular meals (of some kind)! Report to Captain Hoptoperoh at the docks in Nokktoom Bay and proudly say I'M READY TO SLAVE!"
85 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of hair clippings.
86 When next on the road ( or right now ) the party witnesses a horse drawn freight cart suddenly appear out of nowhere. It has FAMOUS FINBO's HOUSE of HUMOR painted on the side. The driver is a human male, startled and confused. "Where the hell is this?" There is only one item on the cart. It is 5 feet around and 3 feet high, glistening and looks a bit disgusting. The driver glances about, takes a swig from a flask and then looks to the party. "You want it? It's a rejected delivery. 'Turns out they didn't want a 200 pound plop of fake dragon droppings. It's super realistic looking though! Great for pranking the neighbors. It's yours for 60 gold! Sorry, but the cart don't come with it."
87 A scroll apparates in mid air near the party and falls to the ground or floor. It is tied closed with an orange ribbon, but has a descriptor tag attached to it. The tag reads: "This spell scroll is a 1 hour escape hatch. When read aloud, it will transport all friendly creatures within a 30 foot radius to a quiet, warm dry space within an alternate plane of silence and low light. Once used, the scroll will disintegrate. After an hour has passed, all who were plane shifted will return to the original spot they left from." The scroll's spell incantation reads: "Nub dees emases a no snoino slekcip eseehc ecuttel ecaus liaceps seittap feeb lla owt."
88 Upon entering the next Inn or tavern, as the target character, you will suddenly SCREAM with great passion and conviction, " I DO NOT HAVE COOTIES ! "
89 An object apparates very near the party and falls to the ground or the floor. It is a short wooden tube, open at both ends with a crystal inside. Peering through it will reveal a detailed, full color image of an exploding wizard's tower. Text appears at the bottom of the picture. "Remember. Wand safety is no accident!"
90 For the next 1 to 20 minutes, as the target character, you will hallucinate that all of the other party members are countertop dish drying racks, bouncing around on long flimsy springs.
91 The entire party becomes locked in place and hears a gentle voice echo inside their heads. "Your limbs are weak. Your legs are locked. You're stuck here for all time. Unless you pick your most-loved thing and speak a clever rhyme. Be it a weapon, shirt or pet or simple cup of tea, create a poem and speak it fair, then shall you all be free." - The party remains unable to move until everyone complies.
92 As the target character, you will suddenly be in possession of a small red pill, and will have a delayed compulsion. Upon the next visit to a tavern or Inn, you will approach the toughest looking patron, make eye contact, and in their full view, drop the pill into whatever drink they are holding. You will grin with mad anticipation, staring blatantly into the face of the victim and then watch green fumes spill out over the rim of the fizzing tankard, cup or glass.
93 As the target character, you suddenly draw an intricate pentagram on the ground or floor, complete with arcane runes and obscure connecting symbols. Rather than recite an incantation, you play hopscotch across it and summon a confused and irritated elderly rock gnome who was in the middle of her crochet project. She puts down her yarn and scrubs away the pentagram. Then disappears with a rude curse and gesture.
94 For the next 1 to 20 minutes, as the target character, you will hallucinate that you are an incredibly old and wise philosopher of great learning.
95 Indoors or out, a circular area extending 20 feet around the target character will experience a one minute torrential downpour of drink umbrellas.
96 Messenger crows land on the shoulders of every party member. Each carries a folded parchment message with an official looking wax seal. Each message is identical. They read: "Have you been injured by a faulty drawbridge? Cheated by a crooked merchant? Stabbed through the head by an overzealous town guard? You could be entitled to a MASSIVE GOLD SETTLEMENT ! Contact the nearest associates of JEREMIAH JUSTICE Counselor to KINGS !! Have your case argued before the city elders by a professional! JEREMIAH JUSTICE! He will make it his QUEST to secure what's coming to you!"
97 At some point during the next extended rest period . . . A 12 foot tall male Ogre approaches the party stomping heavily and making no effort to be stealthy. He is draped in shredded fabrics and leather patches and has an eye watering ugliness that all will remember for some time. He pauses and leans forward on a massive gnarled club as he nods to the group. "Greetings! I won't tell you my name because it doesn't matter. I'm going to attack you all now because I consider it an affirmation of my culture and a bolstering of my personal identity, while simultaneously perpetuating and reinforcing a shallow and negative stereotype based on pervasive conclusions about my species and my appearance." He takes a breath and scratches himself before continuing. "While I may seem to be a semi-sentient creature capable of reason or redemption, you may take solace in the fact that I thoroughly enjoy causing pain to others and entertain myself with the delight of killing innocent victims. So . . . I most certainly AM evil, and it is perfectly fine for you to kill me and improve the state of this world. With that said, let us begin." (Combat mechanics should ensue.)
98 For the next 1 to 20 minutes, as the target character, you will hallucinate that all of the other party members are incredibly old and wise philosophers of great learning.
99 The entire party is teleported to the dark center of a closed pocket watch that is the size of a large city. Surrounded by gigantic gears and walls of curved metal, the group will return to where they started if they can find an exit. Communication is made more difficult by the constant thundering TICK of the colossal mechanism. The metal surfaces that are walkable are extremely slippery. Escape from the watch should take from 1 to 20 minutes.
100 As the target character, you will suddenly find yourself seated in a comfortable chair in a quiet, comfortable room. You have a pad and pencil in your hand. Reclining on a couch near you is an adversary you recently faced in combat. They seem to be in mid conversation with you. ". . . but to be honest with you doctor, I really don't KNOW why I was fighting with you. Or why I fight with anyone, really. It's something I've been struggling with a lot lately. I mean . . What am I really doing? It's become such a mystery to me and . . ." The figure will continue until you interrupt and provide some counseling. You will be returned to where you were when you end their session.
