Alternate Reality TV |  |
Alternate Reality TV | |
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| 1 |
In a Victorian Drawing Room | a seated fish | is drinking coffee with | A chocolate lamp post | in midwinter. |
| 2 |
Among the twisting maze of pipes in the basement of a gasworks | a well dressed little boy | is aiming a revolver at | a bit of lemon peel | as a chill breeze blows. |
| 3 |
On a 3 masted Tall ship | The Frankenstein Monster | is demonstrating coin tricks for | a portrait of Churchill | in a pouring rain. |
| 4 |
In a corridor within a lunar base | a very intelligent iguana | is dealing a hand of blackjack to | the first emperor in Chinese history | on the hottest day of the year. |
| 5 |
In a jungle clearing | Thomas Edison | is throwing a dirty diaper at | a live koala glued to the back wall of a pizza parlor | in the darkness of a foggy night. |
| 6 |
In a microscopic hollow, inside a brick | Sherlock Holmes | is polishing a pile of bowling balls with the help of | a rhino in a tuxedo | on a beautiful spring morning. |
| 7 |
Under a shaky concrete bridge | Hamlet | is cooking chicken over a fire in order to feed | a cupboard full of dirty dishes | during the tremors of a mild earthquake. |
| 8 |
On the roof of the whitehouse | an animated and intelligent snowshoe | is arguing fiercely with | a rubber replica of a cocoanut | as a tornado approaches. |
| 9 |
In a pressurized dome on the Ocean floor | A tall, brunette fashion model wearing a jogging suit | claps two chalkboard erasers over the top of | an airline serving cart | as the humidity rises. |
| 10 |
In a spacious treehouse | the greatest swordsman on Earth | is getting a haircut from | the god Zeus | at the height of a blizzard. |
| 11 |
On the open prairie | a ninja on stilts | is watching a comedy on television with | Mister Ed | as the sun goes down. |
| 12 |
In the glove compartment of a Rolls-Royce | the Surgeon General | is ripping up a pamphlet and throwing the pieces at | Gammera | during a violent a hailstorm. |
| 13 |
On the top of a giant turtle | a plumber | waves a flag with a smiley face at | identical twin dwarf warriors | in a high wind. |
| 14 |
Inside a giant, hollow, plastic pink flamingo | the bishop of Westminster | is stomping on mechanical beetles so that they can't get to | a classic 1920's "flapper" girl | in the murky morning light. |
| 15 |
In a neighborhood coffee shop | a sparkling, talking cloud | is telling bad jokes and riddles without answers to | an alligator standing on its hind legs, wearing a monocle and waistcoat | as fireballs fall randomly from the sky. |
| 16 |
In a vast abandoned movie theatre | a lizardman who looks like Yogi Bear | plays angelic music on a glass harp for | Gandalf | as the locust swarm approaches. |
| 17 |
In a vast sub-terainean cavern | a beautiful Drow bootmaker | poses for a portrait being painted by | Fabio | and every sound echoes. |
| 18 |
On the surface of a mile-square mirror | the Maytag repairman | is cutting out paper snowflakes and handing them to | Cthulu | as the light keeps flickering. |
| 19 |
On the Roof of a SanFrancisco cable car | Rudolph the red nosed reindeer | is juggling torches with | Rasputin | and stomping the swarm of red ants that have arrived. |
| 20 |
While climbing up the down escalator | Ebenezer Scrooge | is balancing 2 bowls of ice water on | the Mayor of Cleveland | but time is speeding up. |
| 21 |
Under
a vinyl pool covering in Patterson NJ |
Michelangelo's
David |
explains
the benefits of term life insurance to |
a
werewolf with a hoolahoop |
with
a lava flow rapidly approaching. |
| 22 |
At
the salad bar of a rooftop restaurant |
Heidi |
smears
hot mud onto a playing card and hands it to |
Liberace |
as
a dynamite siren blares nearby. |
| 23 |
Tunneling
through the rubble of the Stardust Casino |
an
Andorian accountant |
tries
to impersonate a giant spider, but does not impress |
Victor
Hugo in a cardboard barrel |
while
the air is getting choked with soot. |
| 24 |
Perched
at the top of an Incan temple |
a
Russian bus driver with the flu |
slams
a rubber swordfish against his/her/it's own back, highly distressing |
the
guy from "Trading Places" who was sooo interested. in the "nice purse" |
and
it's believed everything yellow is about to disappear. |
| 25 |
On
a very large sled speeding down the side of a snow covered mountain |
a
30 year old wadded up cotton rag soaked with kitchen grease that has
suddenly become "self aware" |
shoots
spitballs at |
the
first person Leonardo DaVinci ever accidentally bumped into |
as
a shower of tinfoil strips materializes out of thin air. |
| 26 |
In
the orchard where the actual grapefruit grew that was used so
rudely by James Gagney |
A
Chicago hot dog vendor |
makes
elephant noises as if his/her/its life depended on it in order to
protect |
Robby
the Robot who is performing jumping larriet rope tricks |
and
they can't hear themselves think because of the 10 thousand tubas
playing. |
| 27 |
In
the haunted basement of an abandoned penetentiary |
the
winner of the all USA spelling Bee competition |
smacks
those little red roll cap-gun caps with a hammer because the smell
really annoys |
the
first human being to bungee jump |
and
two little red sniper dots of laser light appear on both of them. |
| 28 |
On
the surface of an Alka Seltzer Tablet descending toward a mug of
boiling bleach |
Ricky
Ricardo, sporting a fresh black eye and wearing an evening gown |
tries
to force lumps of cold sauerkraut into a hollow magic 8-Ball so
he/she/it can give it to |
the
original guy who hung from the hardhat in the first superglue commercial |
ignoring
the swarm of driverless "big wheels" heading their way. |
| 29 |
In
the lobby of New Swann Castle |
Somebody
in that big Koolaid pitcher costume |
pulls
out a wooden switchblade and tries to scare |
Abbie
Hoffman, who won't get off his cell phone |
as
their bones become glass without them knowing it. |
| 30 |
Deep
within the carnival's house of mirrors |
Margaret
Dumont |
is stirring microchips into a bowl of kasha and is about to serve it to | Smokey the Bear, presently trapped in a sensory deprivation tank | as
every surface around them seems to be spontaneously growing its own
Urban graffiti. |
| 31 |
Depicted
on a television screen mounted to the wall of an elevator shaft |
Adrienne
Barbeau |
breaks
hundreds of umbrellas, one after another while staring accusingly at |
the
guy who completely made up the George Washington Cherry Tree - hatchet
story |
but
the smell of banana peels halts all activity. |
| 32 |
On
the Pennsylvania Turnpike, just a few yards north of exit 36b |
an
industrial robot arm with a Halloween mask of Nixon on the end of
it |
tries
to make a "silly string" bridge over the top of |
Godzilla
who is tightly gripping his coloring book collection |
but
failure is pre-determined, as is the outbreak of loose hermit crabs on
every surface. |
| 33 |
At
the main branch of Barnes and Noble in Manhattan |
a
member of the MardiGra clean-up crew wearing a kevlar business suit |
reads
a transcript of "The adventures of the Blue Beetle" to |
Pippi
Longstocking, who refuses to stop saying "pull my finger" as she grins |
despite
the nerve gas recently flooding the area. |
| 34 |
In
one of the women's bathrooms at Linden Labs |
that
poor guy dressed as a bellhop that spent his entire life screaming
"Call for Phillip Morris!" |
is
drawing a skull and crossed bones with a felt tipped laundry marker on |
A
Great Dane wearing a sandwich board that reads VICTORY! |
while
a torrent of lavender paint rains down from above. |
| 35 |
Inside
that giant, wierd useless cage in Gadgetzan |
a
balloon sculpture that looks exactly like Judy from Lost in Space |
levitates
with a bucket of Goblin Pee threatening to pour it on |
the
ghost of Captain Kangaroo |
and
the air is becoming as thick as mollasses. |
| 36 |
On
the sidewalk in front of the Tick-Tock Diner in manhattan |
The
Iron Giant Robot |
is
putting on a pair of rollerblades, and getting ready to go skating with |
the
Lady of Chalot who is wearing a bike helmet and carrying a wet, black
paint brush |
but
everywhere they stand feels like crumbling bags of fortune cookies. |
| 37 |
At
the very top of that long slanty ledge of desert rock where they filmed
nearly all of the outdoor Classic Star Trek episodes |
The
Staypuffed Marshmallow man |
is
beating out a rhythm on the tight skin of a tribal drum attempting to
evoke a fit of primitive dancing from |
Cecille
B. Demille who is trying to play "Fanfare for the Common Man" on the
spoons |
as
the international dateline solidifies and breaks free, sweeping across
the planet, like the edge of a curved razor blade scraping over a peach. |
| 38 |
On
the planet Ceti Alpha 3 |
anim5
with his eyes closed |
is
throwing fragile knick knacks straight up into the air and hoping that
they don't land on his head or the head of |
a
nearby wobbling inflated punching clown |
and
the local gravity is double what it should be. |
| 39 |
Inside
the putrid dumpster behind a convenience store in Blithold, New mexico |
a
French plasterer with too much coffee in him |
tries
to pull the arms off of |
Jack
Nicholson's chiropractor |
while
an unseen stranger hums "Oh, Holy Night". |
| 40 |
At
the world ice-sculpture competitions |
the
very first human being who ever danced |
using
stacks of AOL discs, creates a wall around |
Abbot and Costello with their mouths taped shut | despite
the drizzle of Real Lemon concentrate. |